Hugo dos Santos

Hugo dos Santos is a Luso-American writer and translator. A Child in Ruins, his translation of the collected poems of José Luís Peixoto, was published by Writ Large Press. He is a Disquiet International fellow and his work has appeared in various publications in the U.S. and Europe, including upstreet, DMQ Review, Queen Mob’s Tea House, theEEEL by tNY.Press, and elsewhere. He is the author of ironbound – a blog.
p
p
process

p

the people with diplomas
on their walls say that
my process is convoluted

p
ppppppbreak pppppppppppthey say
p
ppppppppppppppppppppppppppphealing is the shore
pppppppppppppppppppppppppppopposite of loss but i don’t
but i bend
i’m (still) pppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppphere
p
the people
with diplomas on their walls
p
ppppppthey donate advice like clothes they have never worn
p
i look lost in their hand-me-
pppppppppppppppppppppd
pppppppppppppppppppppo
pppppppppppppppppppppw
pppppppppppppppppppppn
ppppppppppppppppppppps
p
the people with diplomas on
their walls
p
pppppppwhat do you want pppppppppthey askpppppppino ppppppppppppppppppppii saypppppppdecide pppppppppppppppppithey press
pppppppwhat do you want iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiithey repeati want to not want
between two things
i don’t want
p
to not have ppppdecision deposing desire

because what i want pppreally

pppppppppppppppppppis

pppppppthe people with
pppppppdiplomas on their walls
pppppppin their space i see (erasure)pppppppppppppdisappearance of [ ppp] like
pppppppppppppthe [pppppp ] that i remember [ pppp] pppinppthe pattern of their wallpaper
the creases of their carpets (tucked under flimsy trim-work)
that nobody seespppppppthere are shadows unseen
pppppppbehind the narrow slits; between the objects and their walls
p
p
pppppppppppppthe people with diplomas on their walls say that
pppppppppppppclarity is a perspectivepppppppppppppthe people with diplomas on their walls say that
pppppppppppppanger is a weaknesspppppppppppppthe people with diplomas on their walls say that
pppppppppppppfacts yield solutions
ppppppppppp(emotions cloud judgment)
p
p
[ pppppppppp] pppppppppppppi saytrust the processpppppppppppp they saypppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppthere is [ ppppppp] to say

 

p
p

belief

when i was seventeen
andy said to me
pppppppppppppppppharm is a matter of perception and
i asked
pppppppppppppppppis being stabbed a matter of perception and
pppppppppppppppppis being shot a matter of perception and
p
i undid him that way
p
he was much smarter than me
but my directness disarmed him
pppppppppppphe was dealing in theory
ppppppppppppme, practicality

ppppppppppppppppppppppppppppp(i was wrong but didn’t know it)
ppppppppppppppppppppppppppppp(he was right but didn’t know it)

he looked at me with the same eyes
but he saw something different in me then
and after
pizza in a hotel room

we were the cool kids, me and he
and the others listened to our conversation
march madness on the television

buzzerbeaters
upsets

ppppppwe talked about girls
ppppppi didn’t have one
pppppppppppp[he believed] he was in love (still is last i heard)

twenty years since and
someone with more degrees than me

says ppppppppppppppyou can’t move on unless you believe this won’t happen again and
pppppppppppppppppiyou can’t move forward until you feel safe and

she is much smarter than me
with her business and

her marriage and
her teenage son and
her [i ask
pppppppppppppppppdoes it matter whether it will happen again and
pppppppppppppppppdo you know where [how] i grew up andshe doesn’t need weaponsher pause is effective ppppppa distance
and i scour the walls for a cross
like i always found when i was little
and wrong
or ignorant

the conversations happening around me
i listened without understanding

in that respect, maybe
it’s still the same

pppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppalms united in supplication
i put my copay in the collection
basket and i close my eyes and
imagine through my hoping
ppppppthat
[

Share This Post!