Rachel Charlene Lewis

Rachel Charlene Lewis is the editor of Vagabond City, a co-founder of The Fem, and an MFA dropout. Her work has appeared in The Normal School, The Offing, BOAAT Press, and elsewhere. She writes weird lyric essay poem things and is happiest in queer structures. Currently the Reviews Editor of Maudlin House, she is always on Twitter and Instagram @RachelCharleneL

 

 

 

 

 

it seems the queerest thing is to say:

i love you but i want to fuck other people

too. don’t want to lose you. just don’t think this makes sense. i say, in dark
car with eyes wide for deer because only one of your eyes works so keeping us alive
is my job – i love you and i think i can’t go forever without fucking anyone else
don’t say i need to connect with everyone around me and sex does that don’t say
i dream about threesomes weekly now instead say i could be wrong but i think
there’s eyes ahead but then your eyes are crying and i am rubbing the back of your

neck and thinking about how i may always hurt you and you say i want you to tell
me and say you aren’t trying to shut me up but letting more words out
feels like hurting you i say to the left and you slow down and we are slower

i say i love you too much
because i am afraid of asteroids
and drones and politics

maybe my politics won’t always make me so terrible to date – in the kitchen
you say i’m mean // and i don’t know if you mean it / would someone sweeter
be better for you? i go on instagram and find the girl like you i wanted to date

if you dump me
maybe i will date her
we both know i am from hell

before you but she was so sweet and nice and boring and you are sweet
and nice and anything but and i like how you stood outside with your aunt
in the nursing home and lit her cigarette you held me while i cried last night
slit sore but soul more sore because i can’t let go of girl who told me i took
too long //
                                          everything is fucked up always, right? my friend is dating a girl too
                                          and i want to be happy but she is just like the girl who made it hard for
me to do all of this // people shouldn’t date maybe ever at all

i don’t believe in marriage or divorce
i understand sex more than all of it
maybe i am like our cat, pulsing violence
in bony body – i eat like a bird, you say
and kiss granola from my collarbones

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